RapturousGoogle Read online

  But because I love her so damned much, I’m going to make sure it’s amazing for her. “Has anyone ever touched you here before?” I press two lubed fingers against her anus and push.

  “N-no. Never.”

  “But you like when I do, right?”

  “Y-yes. I like it.”

  “Mmm, you get so wet when I fuck your ass with my fingers.” I lean in to run my tongue through her copious dampness. The more I stroke her with my fingers, the wetter she gets. I push the vibe into her pussy and turn it on, her low moan making me even harder than I already was. Fucking hell, I can’t get any bigger or I’ll cripple her. She holds on tight to the iron rods, but her body twitches and writhes on the bed. Her hips come off the mattress as she tries to find relief from the ache of her desire.

  I slide my fingers back into her ass, suck hard on her clit and make her come again, her ass muscles clamping down tight against my fingers. I can’t wait to feel that on my dick.

  Pushing the vibe in and out of her, I say, “You still want more, Addison?”

  “Yes,” she says through gritted teeth. “Give me more.”

  Fucking hell, she’s amazing. Maybe she could be everything I need and want—

  No. Don’t go there. One more time, and then it’s over forever.

  My hands tremble ever so slightly when I apply a generous amount of lube to my cock. She’s tight, I’m big, and this is going to be a battle royal. I can’t wait. “It’ll hurt—a lot—at first, but the more you relax and push back against me, the easier it’ll be. You got me?”

  “Yeah,” she says, panting, “I got you.”

  “It’s going to be so good, so hot, so amazing, but not at first.” With the vibe making the squeeze even tighter than it would be without it, I press the tip of my cock against her tiny opening and push into her.

  She screams so loudly I worry her neighbors will call the cops.

  I withdraw, grab my T-shirt off the bed and give it to her. “Bite down on this.”

  Her body is one big quiver as she puts the T-shirt in her mouth to bite down on it.

  I start over, giving her the first two inches in one thrust.

  The shirt muffles her scream, and her hips come up off the mattress again, seeking something more. She’s not ready yet for more, so I remain still while her body stretches to accommodate me. I press my thumb to her clit, stroke the vibe into her and then back out, and another inch of my cock sinks into her ass. Watching her tiny hole stretch and open to allow me in is one of the hottest things I’ve ever seen—and I’ve seen a lot of hot things in my life. But because it’s her, because I love her, this is off-the-charts hot.

  Still teasing her clit with my thumb, I pulse into her in small increments that make her mewl into my shirt. Those noises, those incredibly sexy noises, send a new burst of blood and heat to my cock, making her moan when she feels me expand within her.

  “Addison.”

  She opens her eyes to meet my gaze, and the fierce determination I see in her eyes does crazy things to my heart. I love her so fucking much. What would it be like to be with her this way every day? To have her in my bed and in my life, to make love to her my way, her way and every other way we can think of? It’s just a fantasy, though. Real life doesn’t work that way. Real life is a mess, and I can’t make a mess of something so perfect.

  “Are you okay?”

  She removes the T-shirt from her mouth. “Mmm. Yeah.” Her words are choppy and breathy.

  “More or stop?”

  “M-more.”

  I give a little push of my hips to remind her of where I am, in case she’s forgotten. That thought nearly makes me laugh. “You’re sure?”

  “Y-yes.”

  “You’re so fucking sexy, Addison. You have no idea how hot you are taking my cock in your ass.” I frame her face with my hands and use my thumbs to wipe away tears that flow freely down her cheeks. “Why’re you crying?”

  “Overwhelming.”

  “Not painful?”

  “Some.”

  I keep one hand on her face and use the other to apply more lube. The last thing I want is to cause her real or lasting pain. All I want is her ultimate pleasure, and I’m determined to get it.

  Bending over her, I take a nipple into my mouth, tugging and sucking until it’s standing up tall and proud. Then I bite down on it, just hard enough to take her mind off the pressure down below. As she gasps, her back bows, and I push deeper into her while turning on the vibrator at the same time. I switch to the other side, repeating the process until she’s taken all of me.

  “You did it,” I whisper, my lips brushing against her ear.

  “I need…”

  “What, honey? What do you need?”

  “Touch you.”

  “Go ahead.”

  Her arms come around my neck, her muscles tightening into a noose as she holds me close, maybe so I can’t move or do anything to disrupt the fragile accord we’ve reached. “You’ve got to let me move, baby.”

  She moans, and the sound goes straight to my dick, which expands inside the tight confines of her ass. She grunts and mutters something unintelligible, but it might’ve been about breaking her in half.

  I love this so much. I love giving her a new experience. I love the noises she makes, the intensity, the earthiness, the dirtiness. I love the way her muscles milk me and her body trembles uncontrollably. I love the feverish heat coming off her skin and the flush that tints her complexion. And yes, I love the touch of fear in her eyes as she looks up at me, wondering what’s next, wondering if this is it or if there’s more.

  Oh, baby, there’s so much more.

  “You’ve got to let me move,” I say, kissing her face and then her lips as I work myself free of her tight hold. Propped up on my hands, I look down at her. “Spread your legs as far apart as they’ll go.”

  Moving tenuously, she does what I ask her to, her legs trembling madly.

  “Now keep them there. Hold on to my shoulders and bite down on the T-shirt if you need to scream. We don’t want to freak out the neighbors.”

  Her lips move in silent inquiry. She’s probably about to ask what I’m going to do. Why tell her when showing her is so much more effective? As I withdraw from her slowly, her fingernails bite into my shoulders. And then I slam back in while pressing my thumb against her clit. She explodes.

  I fuck her harder, giving her deep thrusts while continuing to massage her clit and move the vibe, keeping her coming almost the entire time. She’s screaming and crying and scratching me, but she never says the word that would stop everything. I fucking love her. I love the way her body takes me when she shouldn't be able to. I love that she seems to love this as much as I do. I love the way she comes and comes and then comes some more. I love the way she tests my control with the tight fist of her ass muscles squeezing my cock so hard that I cry out from the supreme pleasure of having her this way.

  And then she breaks me with three little words.

  Chapter 7

  How to describe the indescribable? I’ve had sex. I’ve had amazing sex—most recently with him. But I’ve never felt anything like this. At first, it hurt so much I didn’t think I’d be able to do it, but he takes his time and masters my body the same way he’s mastered my heart and soul. I take him. I take all of him. But that’s the easy part. This part, the part where he hammers into me while I come constantly, is something else altogether. I need more air than I can get through my nose, so I tear the T-shirt from my mouth and toss it aside, grunting inelegantly with every deep stroke of his cock.

  My body seizes and throbs, and I come again.

  God help me.

  I’m crying and moaning and clawing at him. Every emotion hovers at the surface, ready to break free. I can’t handle his fierce possession and the swell of emotion, too. It’s too much, and the words break free before I know I’m going to say them.

  “Hayden, God, Hayden,” I say on a broken sob, “I love you. I love you.”

&n
bsp; He drives into me one last time and comes with a low growl that reverberates through his chest into mine. I feel him everywhere, from the bottom of my feet to the top of my head and every pressure point in between. My ass and clit throb with the aftereffects of intense fucking and multiple orgasms. If I thought I was crippled after the first time with him, I’ll never walk again after this.

  He collapses on top of me, his body bathed in sweat, his breathing rough and choppy.

  I hold him close, sensing he needs the contact as much as I do. I can’t believe I blurted out those words, and he probably can’t either. It’s too much. It’s not enough. It’ll never be enough. He can’t leave me now that he knows I love him. He can’t walk away from what we could have together. I won’t let him. He said this would be the end, but it’s only the beginning of everything I’ve ever wanted. I can be what he needs. I can change his mind if I love him enough for both of us.

  After what we just shared, I’m sure of that. I’m so sure that I’m willing to risk everything by saying it again, in case he missed it the first time. “I love you, Hayden.”

  He doesn’t say anything, but he tightens his hold on me. It’s all he’s capable of. I get that, and it’s enough. For now. I’ll have all of him no matter what it takes. Anything less than everything will never be enough for me where he is concerned.

  With a deep inhale, he rises up and begins to withdraw from me, slowly, carefully, making me moan from the agonizing drag of his big cock over my sensitive, tortured flesh. Then he removes the vibrator, too, leaving my body humming with aftershocks. He looks down at me for a long, charged moment before he leaves the bed and goes into the bathroom. I hear water running, and then he’s back with a warm washcloth that he uses to clean me up. I’m so sensitive I want to beg him not to touch me, but I can see that it’s important to him to tend to me. So I let him, wincing as he does.

  When he’s finished, he curls up to me, wrapping his arm and leg around me, bringing me in tight against him. I thought he would leave as soon as he could, so the intimate nature of this embrace brings a lump to my throat. He can run, but I’ll find him. I’ll go after him every time. I’ll wear him down until there’s nowhere left for him to hide from the fact that he loves me as much as I love him.

  He’s had me. Now I’ll have him.

  I’m emotionally and physically spent after what just happened, but I’m also buzzing with adrenaline that keeps me awake waiting to see what he’ll do. He strokes my arm and back, his lips moving over my hair. The tenderness is what slays me. Even after he warned me that this was all we could ever have, he’s still tender. He still cares. I can feel it in every breath he takes and every touch of his hands on my hypersensitive body.

  We stay wrapped up in each other long enough that I lose track of how much time has passed. He never stops caressing me, and I float on a sea of contentment. This is how it could be, him and me, pushing the limits together, experiencing life’s highs and lows and everything in between. I want that life with him so badly that there’s nothing I won’t do to get it. That sort of desperation is new to me.

  His hand stills on my shoulder. “Are you asleep?” he whispers.

  I start to reply, but something stops me.

  After a long silence, he says, “I want to say it, too, and I’m sorry I can’t. I don’t know how to say it, because I never have before. I’m so sorry, baby.”

  While I hold my breath and blink back tears, he gets up from the bed. I hear him rustling around the room. I hear legs pushing into denim and the scrape of his zipper. His T-shirt is half under me, and he extricates it carefully. A few minutes later, I hear the front door click shut.

  I want to beg him not to go. I want to beg him to give me—and us—a chance, but that battle can’t be fought and won tonight. That battle is going to take some time and more patience than I’ve ever needed before.

  But he’s confirmed the one thing I need to know to make the struggle worthwhile—he loves me, too.

  “I love you, Hayden.” It’s all I hear as I drive through the dark night after leaving her. I’m too wound up to sleep or work, so I go to the one place where everything always makes sense to me—Club Quantum. Located in the basement of our Los Angeles office building, access is granted with a palm scanner that admits me to a special elevator that leads only to the basement.

  The doors open into the club, which is busy for a weeknight. I wave to Kristian and Jasper, who are entertaining guests in the main room. At the bar, I pull up a stool and shake hands with Sebastian Lowe, who manages the LA club for us. He’s tall, dark, muscular, scarred and ruthlessly intimidating. He also has a heart of gold and a loyalty streak a mile wide. Sebastian is one of my oldest and closest friends, and he’s on that short list of people I love.

  “Pappy?” he asks.

  “You know it.”

  He puts a glass on the bar in front of me and pours. “Rough night?”

  If you count having to tell the love of your life that you can’t be with her a rough night, then yeah, it’s been pretty bad. But I don’t tell him that. I can’t tell anyone that. “Not so much.” In some ways, it had been a fantastic, magical night. I’ll live off the memories of what we did for the rest of my life.

  “Something’s up,” Sebastian says with the wisdom of someone who’s known me a long time. His mother worked as my father’s housekeeper for years. Sebastian and I grew up together, albeit on different sides of the Beverly Hills tracks. I credit him—and his mother—with bringing some normalcy to the chaos that was my life. They credit me with saving him from the lure of gangs by giving him a job at Quantum.

  His mom has no idea what he really does for us, and she never will. Sebastian and Graciela Lowe are family to me, and as my brother from another mother, Sebastian knows when something’s not right.

  “Is it your mom?” he asks, painfully aware of the ongoing struggle of my mother’s addiction to anything and everything addicting—booze, drugs, sex. You name it, she’s hooked on it.

  “All quiet on that front for the moment.” I live on the razor’s edge with her, constantly teetering between disasters. We’ve had three months of relative peace and quiet, mostly because she was in rehab for most of that time.

  “You got eyes on her?”

  “Yep.” We both know having eyes on her hasn’t prevented past disasters, and it probably won’t prevent future ones either. But knowing someone is watching out for her allows me to sleep a couple of hours every night. The time I spent with Addie is the first peace I’ve gotten from the hell of that situation in ages. While I was lost in her, I wasn’t thinking about my mother or worrying about when the next disaster will strike.

  I think that’s why I gave in so easily the other night. It’s why I gave in again tonight after going there to smooth things over with her. I didn’t go there to do what we ended up doing, which is further proof that I need to keep my distance or lose my resolve. Now that I know what it’s like to touch her and kiss her and fuck her, I can’t go near her again. My legendary control is nonexistent where she’s concerned. She’s my kryptonite.

  “Is this seat taken?”

  I glance over to see Cresley Dane, my close friend and frequent scene partner. “It is now.” I lean in to accept her kiss to my cheek. I’ve touched every inch of her delectable body, but I don’t feel anything more than friendly affection when I look at her world-famous face. “I didn’t know you were in town.”

  She accepts a glass of the Belvedere we keep on ice for her, gifting Sebastian with the smile that’s made her millions. He’s not unaffected, but only I can tell that. The icy vodka is in sharp contrast to the warmth of her smile, the sweetness of her personality. Nothing about her screams fame or fortune or ego. I enjoy her tremendously, and I’ve loved the time we spent together in the dungeon. She’s a complex woman who works at the top of her field by day, but willingly surrenders control in her personal life.

  Under normal circumstances, I’d invite her to the dungeon to wo
rk out the frustration I feel about the situation with Addie. But I can’t go from the bed of the woman I love to the arms of another woman and find the peace that eludes me. That’s not going to fix what’s wrong with me.

  “You up for playing tonight?” she asks.

  “Nah, I’m cooked. One drink and out for me.”

  Her lip rolls into an adorable pout. “What about my training?”

  An odd pang that feels an awful lot like guilt takes root in my gut. The thought of touching Cresley—or any woman—after what I’ve shared with Addie makes me nauseated. I take a drink from my glass, and for once Pappy doesn’t soothe me. “We might have to put that on hold for a little while.” Just until I get my head together. I keep that part to myself.

  She eyes me shrewdly. “How come?”

  “I’ve got some stuff going on that’s going to require a lot of time and focus. Can’t afford any distractions.” I’m making this up as I go, but it sounds convincing. To me, anyway.

  “I thought that was the whole point, to reduce stress by cutting loose together.”

  “I… I need some time, Cres.”

  “How much time?”

  “I don’t know.” I feel like shit for doing this to her when we’re already well into the early stages of her submissive training. With her crazy life as an in-demand model and the single mom to a son, she doesn’t take a lot of time for herself. This is important to her, and I hate that I’m disappointing her. But I can’t imagine touching her now. As I stare into the eyes of one of the world’s most beautiful women, my cock couldn’t be less interested.

  Fucking hell, is that what I’m doomed to now that I’ve had Addie? I can’t get hard for anyone else? Suddenly, I’m angry with Addie for doing this to me. For wrapping her sweet, sexy self around my soul and working her way so deep inside me I may never get her out. And fuck, I don’t want her out. I want more of her. I want her so badly, I burn with desire for her.

  “I don’t know what’s going on with you, Hayden, but I hope you’ll call me when you’re ready to pick up where we left off.”